Like lace
Itsuki always dances behind cob webs
There, he can manifest several shapes
and pick which one he likes
Sometimes I help him move,
for he has no control over his particles
He is like lace,
weightless and transparent
Sometimes I worry I will injure him
if I want to kiss his cheek bone
or cradle his hands
If he would beg for my love,
I might be happy
If he would look at me and blush,
I might feel gorgeous
Today when he performs,
I tilt against the fireplace mantel,
hands gripping my elbows,
eyes exhausted with longing
I wish I could be a ghost
and be afraid of myself
for a good reason
Mournful moments
I imagined myself dancing,
arms out to cuddle lonely spirits,
eyes closed to feel powerless
I imagined someone told me I was handsome
and didn’t need to smile
I imagined I was in Japan,
the place my embryo developed
I imagined there was romance to my suffering
and that the pulse in my chest was a hand begging for me
I imagined the lights were off
and that my shadow was someone I liked
I imagined the room was full of demonic voices
and that I was not afraid of anything
I imagined I was dying and that my funeral
would be beneath the ocean
I imagined I was titling into glass
and cracking my bones
I opened my eyes and saw a skinny silhouette standing
ahead of me, arms tied behind the back
I made not a sound as the figure came forward
and kissed my throat
“Stop picturing mournful moments.” a feminine voice hissed
“It is shattering my organs to see you so sad.”
I remember hearing myself laugh
Then I was unconscious, floating through lavender mist
and tiny insects
by Ashlie Allen
Ashlie Allen writes fiction and poetry. She is also a photographer. Her work has appeared in Literally Stories, The Gloom Cupboard, The Birds We Piled Loosely and others. She wants to visit Japan one day.
