My stepfather could be kind
when his hidden demons
did not plague decisions I discerned.
A child can only analyze actions,
shadows reflecting the body,
motions to mimic, wrestling
with the waves causing callous
repercussions, creating chameleon
reactions from what my teen-vision
saw. I observed a man whose hands
painted mastery, Michelangelo’s student
touching his canvas, one could feel
a man’s face. I observed a man
whose voice was soulful enough,
a stranger debating marriage would
buy a wedding ring. I observed
when his hands weren’t moving,
when the theater was empty, echoes
rose of tales he kept to himself. Voices
from the demons that plagued him
gave him his vices, filling glasses,
rising temper, spreading anger,
drinking, puffing, smoking, choking
a life, stagnating work promotions,
taking shallow steps towards goals,
a peeled banana softened, blackened,
losing firm grounding around himself.
Maybe the pressure of military life
and death darkened visions from friends
never forgotten. Maybe the pressure
of social behaviors of blended family
caused misery. Maybe the pressure—
coming to his hometown after two-decades,
finding old friends, riding the same street
corners and blocks became his framework
to live. Maybe. I still may love him; his
decisions left my mother in an unmarked grave.
Mervyn R. Seivwright has appeared or has forthcoming published works in AGNI Literary Magazine, The Trinity Review, African American Review, Santa Fe Literary Review, Montana Mouthful Literary Magazine, iō Literary Journal, The Stirling Spoon, The Scribe Literary Journal, Flights Literary Journal, Rigorous Magazine, Prometheus Dreaming Cultural Journal, and Toho Journal. He has received recognition as Second-Runner-Up for Mount Island’s Lucy Terry Prince poetry contest, a Semi-Finalist for the Midwest Review’s Poetry Contest, Z Publishing’s Kentucky’s Best Emerging Poets 2019, and has a poem commissioned by the British Museum, Ipswich, United Kingdom. Mervyn holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Spalding University, Louisville KY. He is from Jamaican heritage, born in London, England while he currently lives in Schopp, Germany.
