A Man’s Demons

October 2020 | poetry

My stepfather could be kind

when his hidden demons

did not plague decisions I discerned.

 

A child can only analyze actions,

shadows reflecting the body,

motions to mimic, wrestling

 

with the waves causing callous

repercussions, creating chameleon

reactions from what my teen-vision

 

saw. I observed a man whose hands

painted mastery, Michelangelo’s student

touching his canvas, one could feel

 

a man’s face. I observed a man

whose voice was soulful enough,

a stranger debating marriage would

 

buy a wedding ring. I observed

when his hands weren’t moving,

when the theater was empty, echoes

 

rose of tales he kept to himself. Voices

from the demons that plagued him

gave him his vices, filling glasses,

 

rising temper, spreading anger,

drinking, puffing, smoking, choking

a life, stagnating work promotions,

 

taking shallow steps towards goals,

a peeled banana softened, blackened,

losing firm grounding around himself.

 

Maybe the pressure of military life

and death darkened visions from friends

never forgotten. Maybe the pressure

 

of social behaviors of blended family

caused misery. Maybe the pressure—

coming to his hometown after two-decades,

 

finding old friends, riding the same street

corners and blocks became his framework

to live. Maybe. I still may love him; his

 

decisions left my mother in an unmarked grave.

 

Mervyn R Seivwright

Mervyn R. Seivwright has appeared or has forthcoming published works in AGNI Literary Magazine, The Trinity Review, African American Review, Santa Fe Literary Review, Montana Mouthful Literary Magazine, iō Literary Journal, The Stirling Spoon, The Scribe Literary Journal, Flights Literary Journal, Rigorous Magazine, Prometheus Dreaming Cultural Journal, and Toho Journal. He has received recognition as Second-Runner-Up for Mount Island’s Lucy Terry Prince poetry contest, a Semi-Finalist for the Midwest Review’s Poetry Contest, Z Publishing’s Kentucky’s Best Emerging Poets 2019, and has a poem commissioned by the British Museum, Ipswich, United Kingdom. Mervyn holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Spalding University, Louisville KY. He is from Jamaican heritage, born in London, England while he currently lives in Schopp, Germany.

A Bird that Cannot Fly

October 2020 | poetry

As hollow dread overtakes dawn –

I am imprisoned in my bed.

Sleeplessness of despair –

a bird that cannot fly.

Weighted down by wetted feathers of indecision,

daylight falters.

Darkness remains the dictator of the hour,

commanding black clouds.

Pain tells my story, oh so well!

Screaming alarm calls my name,

 it is for naught!

Chained to my fears by an affliction that will not cease.

It is only the beginning,

yet I want this day to end.

To fly my nest

 and soar beyond imagination once more.

 

Ann Christine Tabaka

Ann Christine Tabaka was nominated for the 2017 Pushcart Prize in Poetry, has been internationally published, and won poetry awards from numerous publications. She is the author of 9 poetry books. She has recently been published in several micro-fiction anthologies and short story publications. Christine lives in Delaware, USA. She loves gardening and cooking. Chris lives with her husband and three cats. Her most recent credits are: Burningword Literary Journal; Muddy River Poetry Review; The Write Connection; Ethos Literary Journal, North of Oxford, Pomona Valley Review, Page & Spine, West Texas Literary Review, The Hungry Chimera, Sheila-Na-Gig, Foliate Oak Review, Better Than Starbucks!, The Write Launch, The Stray Branch, The McKinley Review, Fourth & Sycamore. Website: https://annchristinetabaka.com

James Latimer

October 2020 | visual art

Sent

Sent

 

 

James Latimer

Artist writes and draws for children and young adults; has recent work at Heirlock, Showbear Family Circus, Fusion Art, Poster House NYC. Additional credits at grilrunning.com , on Instagram @ latimer.jim and/or to come.

Aphrodite and Friends and Me

October 2020 | nonfiction

When I was ten years old, my grandmother and caretaker took her life in my childhood home. I am now sixty-six years old, five years older than she was when she died. I realize what a pivotal experience that was for me.

For years, I’ve been studying the reason people take their lives. I learned a lot by reading her retrospective journal and while writing my book, Regina’s Closet: Finding My Grandmother’s Secret Journal. I’ve also been thinking about the role of women for the past 100 years. My mother told me that my grandmother took her life because she was depressed and didn’t feel she had anything to live for, as  I became more independent. She had no personal passion. Thankfully, I feel different, as my children and grandchildren need me in another way and my writing is thriving. Times were also different for my grandmother, who was orphaned during World War I. There were fewer opportunities then.

Recently, I’ve reread Jean Shinoda Bolen’s book, Goddesses in Everywoman which reminded me of the power of women to initiate change and transformation. After all, my name, Diana is after the Roman Goddess of the Hunt, which resonates with the way I lead my life, as a seeker and a hunter. I’ve also always experienced a theme of loss of love, which Bolen says is a common theme in many heroine myths.

She explains that most women define themselves by their relationships rather than their accomplishments. Women’s identities are very closely tied to their relationships, so when a loved one dies, we suffer twice—loss of the relationship and a loss of an identity.

According to Bolen, we may be different goddesses during different times in our lives. The goddess archetypes are deep desires that vary from woman to woman, providing autonomy, creativity, power, intellectual change, spirituality, sexuality and/or relationships. She identifies seven complex archetypes within each woman which can be called upon at various times during our lives. These can be used to describe certain personality patterns or characteristics.

On a more personal level, I can say that I am a creative and sensual person, the goddess I most identify with is Aphrodite, which is characterized by heightened energy, stimulating thoughts and feelings.  At other times in my life, such as after graduating university, I felt like the goddess Athena, focusing on career enhancement. After marriage, I became Hera, who puts marriage first.

While we might be different goddesses during different stages in our lives, there’s usually one goddess that is the most prominent. Understanding this provides a container for our sentiments. It’s okay to be who we want to be when we need to be. Currently, I’m in the wise woman stage.

According to Carol Pearson in her book Awakening the Heroes Within, archetypes or inner guides, help us on our journey. Whichever archetype is prominent at a given time brings with it a task, a lesson and a gift. Overall, they teach us how to live and behave. It’s powerful knowing and believing in our archetypes as we navigate this life journey. One thing I can say for sure is unlike my grandmother, I am not ready for my life to end yet. I have so many more stories to share with the universe.

 

References
Bolen, J. S. (1984). Goddesses in Everywoman. Harper: New York: NY.
Madison, P. (2011). Goddesses in Older Women: Archetypes in Women Over Fifty or Becoming a Juicy Crone.” Psychology Today.
Pearson, C. S. (1991).  Awakening the Heroes Within. Harper: San Francisco, CA.

 

Diana Raab

Diana Raab, PhD, is an award-winning memoirist, poet, blogger, speaker, and author of 10 books and is a contributor to numerous journals and anthologies. She’s also editor of two anthologies, “Writers on the Edge: 22 Writers Speak About Addiction and Dependency,” and “Writers and Their Notebooks.” Raab’s two memoirs are “Regina’s Closet: Finding My Grandmother’s Secret Journal,” and “Healing With Words: A Writer’s Cancer Journey.” She blogs for Psychology Today, Thrive Global, Sixty and Me, Good Men Project, and Wisdom Daily and is a frequent guest blogger for various other sites. Her two latest books are, “Writing for Bliss: A Seven-Step Plan for Telling Your Story and Transforming Your Life,” and “Writing for Bliss: A Companion Journal.” Visit: www.dianaraab.com.

The First Boy I Kissed

October 2020 | poetry

Jerry Rubin

lived next door.

Does that still count?

 

He was Protestant.

I was Catholic.

We were a hundred sacraments apart.

 

The kiss was quick, a dry pinched peck.

I didn’t even have time to close my eyes

like the flawless girls in the Saturday movies

 

Later when I confessed

to my Catholic classmates

there was an audible gasp.

 

Startlingly, Mary Beth didn’t say:

You KISSED a boy!

She said, you kissed a PROTESANT

 

as if I had said

I kissed a blind goat

with leprosy.

 

Jerry grew up and moved away,

I grew weary of Catholic boys, apostles,

Catechism. Catechism.  Catechism.

 

Maybe that’s why I married a Hindu.

And the first time I kissed my husband-to-be

it was fierce and long and wet

 

and I thought

Hare Krishna!

Hare Ram!

 

Gail Ghai

Gail Ghai is a graduate of the University of Alberta and a Fellow in Writing from the University of Pittsburgh. Her poetry has appeared in literary journals including The Malahat Review, Jama, the Yearbook of American Poetry and The Delhi-London Quarterly. Awards include a Pushcart Prize nomination and a Henry C. Frick scholarship for creative teaching. She is the author of three chapbooks of poetry as well as an art/writing poster entitled, “Painted Words. Ghai works as an ESL instructor for the Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton, FL and also serves as the moderator of the Ringling Poets in Sarasota, FL.