Granted

October 2024 | nonfiction

My wife sends a text: I love you. I’m sorry I take you for granted.

I text: Where are you?

Her text: Doctor’s office.

Fear. I call. She answers.

My wife mentions the call I received last night from my 99-year-old kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Merritt. She turns 100 in a week. She begs forgiveness for not doing something about my father. I touch an old scar on my chin as I listen. I stroke the seam on my cheek from the old fracture. I feel the bump on my nose. Old injuries yet still, sharp ticks of pain.

Times were different, Mrs. Merritt says. That’s what I say to myself. But I know now and I knew then. I should have told the sheriff.

Pause. I can hear her breathe. Labored breathing.

Alan, her voice quavers. Can you ever forgive me?

Of course I forgive you Mrs. Merritt, I say.

Silence. For a few moments I think the call dropped.

But? she prods.

Oh, Mrs. Merritt, I say. Don’t worry about it.

But? she repeats.

But inside me is a boy who will never forgive anyone. Never. Ever.

Mrs. Merritt cries.

Oh Mrs. Merritt, I say. Don’t cry. My brother and I love you.

She continues to cry. Oh that hurts, she says. So bad. Do you still love your father?

This horrible question. I grit my jaw hard. This question maddens. This question hurts. This question burns and wrecks.

Why, Mrs. Merritt? I say. Why does a child beaten and injured by a man remain attached to such a man? Because a child wants a father. But one day, a child wants a different father.

Oh, Mrs. Merritt cries. I know you do. I know your brother does too.

Alan? my wife says.

Yes, I say.

So, my wife says,  a 99-year-old can have a crisis of conscience.

So? I say.

So. So I don’t want to let things slip away, then bite me that way. I don’t want take you for granted anymore.

No no no, I say. No. Please. Don’t say that. You always can take me for granted.

Alan Nelson

Alan Nelson, a writer and actor, received nominations for a Pushcart Prize, Best of Net, and Best Microfiction. He has work published or forthcoming in journals including New York Quarterly, Hong Kong Review, takahē, B O D Y, Blue Unicorn, Litro, Stand, Acumen, Maryland Literary Review, Main Street Rag, Texas Observer, Arc, California Quarterly, Connecticut River Review, Adirondack Review, Red Cedar Review, Wisconsin Review, South Carolina Review, Kairos, Ligeia, Strange Horizons, Illuminations, Review Americana, Whale Road Review, North Dakota Quarterly, and Eunoia Review. He played the lead in the viral video “Does This Cake Make Me Look Gay?” and the verbose “Silent Al” in the Emmy-winning SXSWestworld, and narrated New York Times videos on PEPFAR.