My children will beg me to carry them all over San Francisco, their bodies sticking to me, their voices question marks and exclamations.
My heart will roar like a train when I see my father, yet I will stay pleasant, quiet, impenetrable. My brother, who never asks anything of me, will ask me and my mother to pose in nuclear family photos. As the camera clicks, I will grind my teeth down into short, flat plains.
My mother will pace in high heels, perpetually sipping Diet Coke. Her friends will encircle her, a tragic queen, create a shield around her so that she won’t need to see my father or remember that he is there.
Halfway through dinner, I will give a speech about the buoyant nature of love. I will dance all night. I will bring back disco. I will spin my children in the air, and the flame of their joy will launch the dance floor into a plane of happiness.
When my husband carries our children away to sleep, his twin will corner me. He will find a reason to call me a frigid bitch to my face. And I will tell him that I am not frigid, and he really should look up that word. I will keep speaking to him because he is kind to my children, nicknaming them and looking at them the way he wished someone would have looked at him when he was a boy.
I will run miles until I turn into a bird and fly away but I won’t fly away; instead I’ll just stop hitting the pavement with my body. I will fall in love with the fresh salty air and rolling hills and $7 coffee, and then I will board a plane and go back home.
Jamie Wagman is an Associate Professor of Gender Studies and History at Saint Mary’s College in South Bend, Indiana. Her creative work has also appeared in The Adirondack Review, Newfound, Hip Mama, and Nashim: A Journal of Jewish Women’s Studies and Gender Issues.
A.C. Koch works almost entirely in black and white, because colorblindness predisposes him to see the world in contrasts. Architecture and streetscapes offer an interplay of shapes and textures that can create a great sense of depth and drama in an ordinary scene. His photography was recently featured in a Westword article during a show of black-and-white prints at St. Mark’s Coffeehouse in Denver, CO. More of Koch’s photography can be found on Instagram @henry_iblis, and his photo blog: invisiblepony.blogspot.com.
Rebecca Irene is a graduate of Swarthmore College, and recently received her MFA in Writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts. Her work is published, or forthcoming, in Eunoia Review, Sixfold, Amaryllis, Dime Show Review, and elsewhere. She received a 2018 fellowship from the Norton Island Artist Residency Program. A Poetry Reader for Hunger Mountain and The Maine Review, she lives in Portland, Maine, where she supports her word-addiction by waitressing.
Featuring: Issue 92, published October 2019, features works of poetry, flash fiction, short nonfiction, and photography by Melissa Benton Barker, Howard Brown, Mike Callaghan, Luanne Castle, Michael Cohen, Mark Crimmins, DAH, Darren C. Demaree, Edilson Afonso Ferreira, Hugh Findlay, Eric Forsbergh, Brandon French, Jeremiah Gilbert, Carlos Andrés Gómez, James Grabill, Zac Hall, Cordelia M. Hanemann, Danielle Hanson, Jana Harris, Ditta Baron Hoeber, J. Chad Kebrdle, Josef Krebs, Mary McGinnis, Marc Meierkort, Karla Linn Merrifield, Peter Justin Newall, Don Noel,Marlene Olin, Randy Osborne, Jose Oseguera, Andy Posner, M. Ann Reed, Paul Rousseau, Maya Salameh, Angela Santillo, Jake Sheff, Alan Sincic, Gary Singh, Charles Springer, Merideth M. Taylor, Stephen Curtis Wilson, Yvonne.
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