“Therefore put away all filthiness and rank growth of wickedness
and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save
your souls. (James 1:21 RSV)
I scratched, pinched, bit my way through today
as if I didn’t come from a long line of God fearing folk
but from Darwin’s monkeys being provoked with pokes of fun
by human aliens all safe on the other side of the hellish cage.
I dug a deep trench hiding safely behind garbage bags of self pity
then started a sunrise war with my defenseless family,
went on to battle an army of co-workers until lunch hour found me
picking fights with unarmed cashiers, shoppers, fruit vendors,
with noses lifted so high in the air they could probably
identify by smell the flowers in heaven but not tell me..
I missed when I tried to kick a snarling dog
on the leash of a snarling man both of whom barked
at me with mouthfuls of long, white teeth, crooked
like the interlacing necks of hungry trumpeter swans
I saw later while sitting on the bench but didn’t care to feed.
Beating it home, I blasted the horn, shook a mean finger
at a gang of elementary kids playing dodge ball in the street
then couldn’t find a song on the car radio that
didn’t fill me up with great big foul irritation.
Saying prayers while I brush my teeth and my husband snores
I ask God why he gave me the burden of so much anger today
even though I know He didn’t, will mercifully forgive and help me
once I accept the blame, humbly drop to my knees to pick up
the empty cartridges of my wicked weapons of words and deeds,
that I pray have left no permanent wounds in the lives of others.
All that I have won today is a flag of guilt slapping me in the face
with the filth of my own hands; a flag at half staff with it’s metal pole
jammed deep into the shallow ground of my soul.
During her writing career Carol has published widely with Blue Mountain Arts, Inc., was one of three featured poets (10 works) in Ancient Paths, issue 16, and has also published with Carcinogenic Poetry, The Avocet, Extract(s), and in the fall issue of The Fourth River (Chatham University). This poem was first published in Ancient Paths in 2010 and was nominated for a Pushcart Award.
