Not Me
Who could have imagined
I’d be sitting here
on my numb ass
in this stuffy, gray, meeting room
hunched over
a big shiny boardroom table
discussing the customer response
to our security of supply
business continuity plan and rollout
instead of on the latest research vessel
out of Woods Hole collecting
phytoplankton and zooplankton,
jellyfish larva and sea urchin eggs,
like I was planning and hoping to do
way back in the beginning?
Who? Not me certainly. Not me.
Silly, naive girl
She rejected him, plain and simple as that,
when he moved in on her,
slid up against her
in the back seat of the car.
She nudged him away, firmly,
and moved in the opposite direction,
putting some space between them.
On this impulsive first blind date of hers
she had no intention, no inclination, no desire,
to engage in any romance whatsoever,
she had all the romance she could handle with me,
her real boyfriend at the time.
I suppose she was simply curious
about other guys and wanted to have some fun
at a ball game or the movies. Silly, naive girl.
There’s not a guy on the planet
who wouldn’t give anything
to get his hands on her.
Some fun at a game or the movies – HA!
I always tell you that
I watch you closely
from across the playground,
helping Brooke up the jungle gym
then back down again,
your black top and soft beige slacks
still brimming with beauty,
simmering with sensuality
even after all these years –
and you don’t even know!
I tell you of course, I cannot help myself.
But you are too modest to hear,
too modest to acknowledge my adulation,
reminding me, “Oh, you always tell me that.”
Yes, yes, I do. I do always tell you that,
can you blame me? Just look at you!
You are quite simply
the most beautiful woman I have ever seen
and I am now, as ever, ecstatic
that you are still mine.
But I cannot help wondering if suddenly
I were no longer around
telling you of your beauty, your sweetness,
your limitless sensuality,
and how important you are to me
and what a superlative woman you are,
would you miss hearing it? I wonder.
Would you miss me at all?
Michael Estabrook is a baby boomer who began getting his poetry published in the late 1980s. Over the years he has published 15 poetry chapbooks, his most recent entitled “When the Muse Speaks.” Other interests include art, music, theatre, opera, and his wife who just happens to be the most beautiful woman he has ever known.
